“My husband is a lazy parent, and I don’t know what to do,” complained Sally, a work-from-home mom of 3. Unfortunately, there are a lot more mothers going through similar experiences as Sally. At some point, it gets mentally and physically draining, and frustrating when you have to bathe the kids, feed them, and put them to bed all by yourself with little or no help from your husband.
It makes you wonder when a team of two became a powerhouse of one. Just like Sally, you’d appreciate a little more commitment and devotion from your husband when it comes to catering for the kids. So what can you do to involve your husband a little bit more in helping you out with the kids? How do you change this terrible parenting pattern?
In a frustrating situation like this, you should consider having a conversation with your husband, discussing win-win solutions, redefining your roles, and encouraging the kids to go to daddy for help. However, while these solutions can be effective and applicable, it’s better not to force them on your husband.
There are those days when we need an extra hand with the kids, and the burden of having to multitask all the time can be overbearing. Ultimately, having a lazy parent as a partner just makes matters worse. Looking for answers? Keep reading.
6 Ways To Make Your Husband Help You Out With The Kids
For some reason, your husband is a bit withdrawn from his parenting tasks. He either sits back and relaxes while you do all the work or he makes excuses to not be around to assist you. Well, this is not strange behavior for men.
Although this behavior could be triggered by how devalued they feel or how strenuous work can be for them. Nonetheless, the following are tips that can help influence some positive change in your household;
In every partnership or marriage communication is very important. You have to consider having a conversation with your husband first before anything else. It wouldn’t be great if you keep your feelings all bottled up, so before you lose your cool sit your husband down and tell him exactly how you feel about the situation. Let him know how hard it is for you to do everything for the kids without his help. Also, try to understand what the problem might be.
2. Discuss Solutions
Whilst having a conversation with your husband, you can ask questions like what time of the day is convenient for him to take over from you. Try to be very considerate about his time especially if he mostly has weekends to rest from work. It should be a win-win and favorable solution for both of you.
3. Redefine Roles
Over time your husband must have thought it was fine to leave you fully in charge of parenting. This might be because he does a full-time job and may hardly have time for the kids. However, you must still try to keep up to date about school activities or doctors’ appointments. If driving the kids to school will be convenient for him, put him up to the task. Nonetheless, some other simple tasks like tucking the kids to bed can be assigned to him.
4. Suggest Taking Turns
Suggest splitting household and parenting duties on shifts. If your husband has some free days from work, ask him to consider relieving you from some duties in the house for those days. You’ll also need to take breaks as well. It could be in form of shifts, compare his schedule with yours and see what days work best for both of you.
5. Encourage The Kids To Go To Daddy
Encouraging your kids to seek daddy’s help is one of the effective ways to get your husband involved with the kids. It is normal for children to have a closer relationship with mom than dad, making dads feel less important. This could cause some dads to withdraw from spending time with the kids. Try to build a bond and connection between them, by urging your kids to meet their father for whatever they may need, this could motivate your husband to get involved.
6. Involve A Third Party
Sometimes a third-party involvement can change things. This should be your next resort after you must have spoken to him and there are no changes. Set up a meeting with a third party; it could be a family member, a friend, or even a therapist.
There’s no doubt that your husband’s help will be needed sometimes and when he doesn’t offer or attempt to help it drives you on the edge. However, you mustn’t nag or angrily talk to him about it as this will be the wrong approach.
You will find some tips like communicating, discussing solutions, encouraging the kids to go to him, suggesting shifts, and redefining roles helpful for you.
Like I always say “you can force a horse to the river but you can’t force it to drink” the possibility of these tips working out depends on your husband’s willingness to want to help. If he’s still insistent on not getting involved then you mustn’t force him. Take care of your kids, and give them all the love and affection they need. And if it becomes too much for you to handle by yourself, get a nanny.
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